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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345526">Repression</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penigma/pseuds/Penigma'>Penigma</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: Legend of Korra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Universe, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Korrasami - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Sexual Content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:02:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penigma/pseuds/Penigma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>‘I’m not your friend, Korra.’</p><p>‘Of course you are. My best friend,’ said Korra with wide eyes.</p><p>Asami shook her head.</p><p>‘You’re my partner. My girlfriend. I’m not your friend, or even your best friend. That’s not what I want or need from you.’</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Korra/Asami Sato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>181</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Repression</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Who’s your friend?’</p><p>‘This is Asami,’ said Korra proudly.</p><p>Asami felt a flash of annoyance but rearranged her features with practiced politeness. She took Korra’s hand.</p><p>‘Girlfriend,’ she corrected sweetly. Korra tensed momentarily but entwined their fingers. She brushed her thumb against Asami’s palm affectionately, but Asami noted she let go very quickly.</p><p>...</p><p>Asami leaned against the passenger seat, trying to create space between her and Korra, and stared out the window. She had barely spoken a word since she got in the car. In her periphery, she saw Korra giving her the side-eye.</p><p>‘What’s wrong?’ said Korra.</p><p>‘Korra, watch the road,’ said Asami gently, as the car jerked.</p><p>‘Wha- oh yeah. Sorry.’</p><p>Only seconds passed before Asami caught her sneaking a peak at her. She sighed.</p><p>‘Pull over.’</p><p>‘I– okay,’ Korra said, flicking the indicator and parking next to the sidewalk. She carefully checked she had done everything correctly – making sure the car was in first, and the handbrake was on, before putting her hands together nervously. Asami watched her entire process – which had become a habit – and couldn’t help feeling a little endeared.</p><p>‘Are you okay?’ Korra asked softly, blue eyes searching.</p><p>Asami took a few moments.</p><p>‘Are you embarrassed of me?’</p><p>‘Of course not. What would make you think–’</p><p>‘I’m not your friend, Korra.’</p><p>‘Of course you are. My best friend,’ said Korra with wide eyes.</p><p>Asami shook her head.</p><p>‘You’re my partner. My girlfriend. I’m not your friend, or even your best friend. That’s not what I want or need from you.’</p><p>‘I know you’re my girlfriend. I didn’t mean – I just meant – can’t we be both?’</p><p>Asami’s chest tightened. Her heart felt heavy with a confused mix of anxiety and sadness.</p><p>‘No. We can’t. There’s too much baggage there. For three years I thought I could only be your friend. There were times when I even wondered if you still wanted to be that. I need…’ She closed her eyes. ‘Do you tell any of your colleagues I’m your girlfriend?’</p><p>‘You… you… thought I didn’t want to be your friend?’ asked Korra, horrified. She groaned and rested her head against the steering wheel.</p><p>‘Sometimes. You had been gone so long without any contact. I wondered if you just wanted to start fresh and forget your old life.’</p><p>Still leaning against the steering wheel, Korra turned her head so she could look at Asami. ‘I always wanted you, Asami. I just … didn’t think I could be what you needed me to be then. Everything was so unequal.’</p><p>‘I never needed you to be anything, except in my life,’ said Asami, a touch of frost entering her tone.</p><p>Korra sucked in a deep breath and lifted her head.</p><p>‘You’re right. It was about me. Being so useless around you made <em>me</em> feel like a burden. You couldn’t come to me with any of the issues in your life – and I know you had them, especially with your work.’ Korra’s brow furrowed, and she gripped the steering wheel tightly. Her voice had gotten progressively louder. ‘I couldn’t even do basic things with you. Like take Naga out for a walk. Or laugh. Or watch a mover. Even that felt hard. And that was nothing – NOTHING – compared to what I wanted. I wanted…’ Korra was shouting.</p><p>‘Yes?’ Asami pushed recklessly. This is what she needed from Korra now.</p><p>Korra swallowed and her face relaxed. Asami could see her shutting down.</p><p>‘I don’t tell everyone you’re my girlfriend because I prefer some things to not be public domain,’ Korra said quietly. ‘So far, we’ve mostly kept things out of the press, except rumours. With Mako, I never had to tell people. They just assumed we were a couple. With us, I guess because we’re both girls, people assume we’re close friends. I’m not trying to keep our relationship a secret. Water Tribe people tend to keep their relationships private, and I might have been doing that without meaning to.’</p><p>‘That’s gemsbok-bullshit, Korra.’ Asami knew she was trying to start something, but her inhibitions were down after a couple of glasses of sake.</p><p>Korra blinked.</p><p>‘Which part?’</p><p>‘The Water Tribe only cares about keeping <em>our </em>type of relationship quiet,’ said Asami through gritted teeth. ‘I’ve visited many times now – with you – and for business. The only relationship with any secrecy around it was Kya’s.’</p><p>‘That’s not–’</p><p>‘You aren’t going to say true, are you?’  Asami interrupted, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>‘– fair,’ Korra finished, jaw tense. ‘Look, I know the Water Tribe – particularly the North – can be old fashioned, but it’s just my culture.’</p><p>‘Well your culture is homophobic,’ Asami snapped.</p><p>Korra opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to decide against it, instead running her hands through her hair.</p><p>Asami unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.</p><p>‘Where are you going?’ asked Korra, voice strained, but Asami ignored her.</p><p>‘Shit,’ said Korra, fumbling with her seat belt and grabbing her coat off the back seat.</p><p>On the sidewalk Asami took off her heels and tossed them in the car. She began walking in the direction of their apartment. Red sequins from her dress glittered in the moonlight, and she lifted the hem to stop herself tripping.</p><p>‘Asami. It’s the middle of the night. It’s too far. It’s freezing,’ said Korra weakly, gesturing at Asami’s uncovered back. ‘You can’t–’</p><p>Asami turned, eyes narrowing.</p><p>‘Don’t tell me what to do, Avatar.’</p><p>Korra raised her hands.</p><p>‘I wasn’t trying–’</p><p>But Asami didn’t wait for her to finish and started walking again.</p><p>‘Hey,’ Korra said, catching up and taking her hand. Asami stopped, looking at her hand in Korra’s with irritation.</p><p>‘Do you think,’ Asami said, enunciating each word, ‘that our relationship would have progressed at all, had I not <em>always</em> been the one to initiate everything?’ Asami snatched her hand away.</p><p>‘I initiate things,’ Korra yelled, throwing her arms in the air. It gave Asami a savage pleasure to get a reaction. Asami kept walking, and Korra increased her stride to catch up.</p><p>‘No, you don’t! Every step of this relationship I’ve been the one to make the first move. Don’t take my hand now to try and get your way when at every other turn you do your utmost to avoid any intimacy.’</p><p>‘Asami, I just don’t like public displays of affect- ‘</p><p>‘I’m not only talking about public displays of affection!’ Asami said, coming to an abrupt halt. Her hands balled into fists. ‘Even when we’re alone, I’m always the one to initiate things, whether it be a touch on the shoulder, a hug, taking your hand, a kiss. And when things get even the tiniest bit tough for you, you disappear! You won’t communicate and avoid me for days. You say you want me, but I don’t feel like you do.’</p><p>Korra looked fixedly at the pavement.</p><p>‘I want you,’ she muttered, and there was a pregnant pause.</p><p>Asami let out a long sigh, and her hands unclenched. She lifted Korra’s chin gently, trying to coax her into looking her in the eye, but Korra turned away, hiding her face. She walked back to the car, slumping against it.</p><p>Asami had gone too far. She knew it. Korra was blinking rapidly, suddenly looking several years younger.</p><p>‘Korra,’ Asami said, moving cautiously towards her. Asami was scared she had broken her. When she entered Korra’s space, she made sure her movements were slow and deliberate so she would know her intentions. She hesitated before putting her arm around Korra, who at her touch completely broke down and started sobbing into her shoulder. Asami placed a hand on her back, and with the other she ran her fingers through Korra’s choppy hair.</p><p>‘I’m so sorry,’ Asami said softly. Tears leaked down her own face when she closed her eyes. ‘Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry…’ it became almost a chant. Slowly Asami felt her body relax, and Korra pulled them both down to pavement by the car. They sat in silence, Korra leaning into Asami’s chest, head tucked under her chin, and Asami with her arms wrapped around Korra.</p><p>‘Sometimes,’ Asami whispered finally, ‘I feel so … terrified you’re going to leave.’ She felt Korra’s eyes on her. ‘You’re the Avatar, Korra. There’s no guarantee something won’t happen again, and even when small things happen now – when things are mostly good – I feel you pulling away. It’s this distance, emotional and ...’ Asami blushed. ‘I’m not… I’m not used to it.’</p><p>Korra hesitated.</p><p>‘Asami… I’m always carful with how I touch people, particularly women. I think our upbringings are quite… different from each other. Republic City is modern. Growing up in the Water Tribe I was terrified any kind touch would lead to people discovering. Or be taken as predatory. Old habits die hard.’ Korra took Asami’s hand and traced a pattern on her palm. ‘I also have this fear, this insecurity, that you wouldn’t want me to touch you, so I let you make the first move … to make sure.’ </p><p>Asami took a few moments to mull over Korra’s words. </p><p>‘I’m such an idiot.’ </p><p>‘Hey, you aren’t,’ said Korra, leaning back and brushing the tears from Asami’s cheeks. ‘Frankly, I’ve been waiting for this – for you to finally get angry with me – ever since I came back. But you never did. I’ve put you through so much. It makes me sick to my stomach to even consider putting you through more.’ A crease formed between Korra’s eyebrows. ‘Clearly I’ve been going about this all wrong.’</p><p>‘Korra, you said part of the reason you left is because you felt like I couldn’t come to you with a problem. Is it so… crazy I would want you to come to me too?’</p><p>Asami’s heart broke as she watched Korra struggle with this idea.</p><p>‘No, it’s not crazy,’ she said tentatively.</p><p>‘Is it so hard to believe I would want to be there for you?’</p><p>‘Sometimes,’ Korra admitted, and Asami could see the toll it took on her to do so.</p><p>‘You deserve me, Korra,’ said Asami. ‘I just wish you didn’t…’ She stopped herself.</p><p>‘Didn’t what?’</p><p>Asami hesitated.</p><p>‘Hate yourself.’</p><p>‘I… I don’t,’ said Korra, but her voice caught. ‘At least not every day. I know I can be… aloof when I have those days, but feel like if you weren’t here, I’d be having them all the time. I’ll do better,’ Korra promised.</p><p>Asami released the breath she’d been holding.</p><p>‘I want to feel needed by you sometimes.’</p><p>‘I need you.’</p><p>Korra said it so sincerely Asami couldn’t help but believe her.</p><p>‘What if things ever get as bad as… when you were sick?’</p><p>Korra shuddered, and Asami’s arms tightened around her.</p><p>‘Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to…’</p><p>‘Asami…’ Korra interrupted in a low voice. ‘Looking back at when you helped me, I’m so grateful. But I also feel just so – humiliated. Thinking about you in the capacity of my carer again’ – Korra swallowed – ‘I feel like I’d rather be dead.’</p><p>‘I don’t know what the implications are there,’ said Asami finally. ‘I don’t know what to do with that. Are you saying… if something were to happen –’</p><p>‘No. No. Asami, I’m not,’ Korra assured, taking both her hands. ‘I didn’t mean… That’s just how my … brain … and my body … reacts to that idea. But I’d like to think I’d handle things differently now, and that I – we – would be able to get through it.’</p><p>‘We?’ said Asami, trying to keep her voice casual, but from Korra’s small smile she knew she saw through it.</p><p>‘Yes,’ said Korra, moving a strand of hair that had come loose behind Asami’s ear.  </p><p>‘I love you,’ said Asami, kissing her on the cheek. A wicked smile crossed Korra’s face.</p><p>‘I meant me and Naga.’</p><p>Asami let out a watery laugh and rubbed lipstick off Korra with her thumb.</p><p>Korra stood up, held her hand out to Asami, and helped her to her feet. She pulled her in close, so their bodies pressed against each other. Wrapping her coat around them both, she manoeuvred them gently so Asami’s back was against the car.</p><p>‘Is this okay?’ Korra breathed, hands on Asami’s waist. Asami leaned down so their foreheads touched, her fingertips tracing the muscles on Korra’s back. She ran her hands down her sculptured shoulders and arms. Korra brought their mouths together, and as the kiss deepened, Asami bit her bottom lip. In response Korra’s hands slid to her arse, and she groaned. Her back was pressed harder against the car, and through the slit in her dress she wrapped her leg around Korra, so the majority of her weight was supported by her girlfriend.</p><p>A car drove by sounding the horn. A young man shouted through the window.</p><p>‘Save some for me, sweetheart!’</p><p>Korra’s cheeks burned. Panicked, she jerked backwards, but Asami stopped her. She rested her cheek against Korra’s.</p><p>‘It’s okay,’ she murmured in her ear, amusement colouring her tone. ‘No one can see. But they will be able to if you move,’ she said, tilting her chin towards the coat that was hiding them from view. Asami could feel just how strained Korra’s body had become against hers. She massaged her back soothingly and placed butterfly kisses on her face and neck.</p><p>‘Are you alright?’ she asked, placing a hand on Korra’s chest. Her heart was pounding.</p><p>Korra’s eyes were closed and she only opened them when it had slowed. When she did, her irises were almost entirely black: the wild eyes of the Water Tribe.  </p><p>Korra nodded and gave a shaky laugh.</p><p>‘Let’s get home.’ Although Korra had spoken gently, Asami could feel the demand and need she always kept so carefully contained. She bit her lip.</p><p>‘Yes, please.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this piece a while back, but there were a few issues with perspective. I also kept making little changes to it. It became a way for me to express some of my feelings about Korra/ Asami’s relationship and Turf Wars. </p><p>In TW Korra and Asami are quite into public displays of affection. This was lovely to see, but I always felt that Korra would be impacted more by her culture, and this would create a barrier she needed to get past. Korra has also shown a propensity to cut people out when she is not at her best. IMO this is the biggest area where Korra and Asami’s relationship has the potential to fail. Asami must hold some baggage from this, and I don’t think Korra would come back after three years and immediately have this behaviour fixed. For them to work I really feel like they need to address this. </p><p>So – the Water Tribe’s homophobia. I found how TW handled this quite interesting. Korra’s parents say, ‘it’s best to keep your personal life private’, and Kya says, ‘our culture would prefer you to keep it to yourself’. I didn’t buy they would be saying these things to a straight couple. To me there was clearly a double standard within canon between the treatment of same sex relationships, and those between people of the opposite gender in the Water Tribe. I thought Korra was absolutely correct in calling it out, but at the end when her dad comes to apologise, she says ‘it’s all right dad. I know the Water Tribe has its customs’. The framing within the text I felt implied both Korra and her father needed to make amends to one another and be more considerate. This didn’t sit particularly well with me, so I decided to take another look at this issue. Don’t get me wrong – I really love the comics overall. </p><p>I hope you just had fun reading this – that’s all it was ever meant for. I apologise for the rather large amount of notes for this piece. Honestly, for a short piece I thought a lot about it. Please comment, leave kudos, or follow if you like my style.</p><p>Twitter: @PenigmaG</p></blockquote></div></div>
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